Witness over the last several days my morning commute go from 25 minutes (including my ten minute walk from the subway to my office) to anywhere from 45 - 60 minutes.
This morning a train was in the station as I descended the steps at the 110th Street / Cathedral Parkway 1 Train Station. Unfortunately, directly in front of me was Camryn Mannwoman sans makeup campaigning for Mother/Father of the Year while very patiently taking both of her youngsters (really toddlers) by their hands and coaxing them slowly down the steps into the station. This was annoying. Mind you, I have nothing against single-parent homes. Some of my best friends are white trash. It's just that this behavior should be kept to a minimum during rush hour. Drag the damn kids down the damn steps and let me get to work, bitch! If you'd just kept to giving hand jobs, you wouldn't be putting me in this predicament! To the left of Ms. Mannwoman, was Catherine Zeta-Phones using up as many of her 1500 anytime minutes before hitting the dead spot of the declining stairs. She's very altruistic and cares deeply for her fellow man.
The train was pulling out of the station by the time Catherine found her D-Spot and Camryn's kids learned to actually put one foot in front of the other. It's hard to be the optimist I usually am when this is how my day starts.
That's okay. It's rush hour and trains come one right after the other up here. The 1 Train is really, really good! Except today and the past several days. Today especially. Literally 15 minutes after arriving in the station and swiping my card for platform entry, there's still no train in sight. None. Ten more minutes go by and three trains stop on the uptown track, but nothing in sight on the downtown track.
Five minutes later and a train comes into view! By this time, however, there is a rock concert-sized crowd on the platform awaiting its arrival. When the train arrives and its doors open there is a audible gasp from the crowd already on the train, as if they had to suck in and hold their collective breath to get everybody on the train. Nobody got off. Nobody got on.
The next train wasn't much better (actually, it was much, much better, but not really according to those already on the train who wouldn't move an inch as we tried to get on. I politely said, "Can you please move in toward the center of the train?" and somebody retorted, "No! There's no more room!" To which I retorted, "Merry Christmas to you, too" as I pushed my way into the car and two more people pushed their way on behind me. The woman who pushed her way on behind me said, "See, you were wrong. There was plenty more room on this train!" At least that's what I think she said. Her face was smashed against the train door's window and I think her lips may have actually been caught between the doors as they closed. And opened and closed. And opened and closed again. And opened and closed again.
The train sat in the station for what seemed ages and I do believe it was going on five minutes when we finally departed 110th Street. We sat in the station at 103rd Street for about that long, too. At 96th Street, there was an express entering the station simultaneously with the 1 train. Because it is so cold out, I decided to take the express to Times Square and transfer to the N or R train to 5th Avenue, right across the street from my office.
The express was packed, but not uncomfortable. That is, until the doors opened and closed. And opened and closed. And opened and closed. Five minutes at 96th Street and me and the commuters were now unwillingly giving piggy back rides. Same at 72nd Steet. Seems like a pattern is developing here.
At Times Square I departed the 3 Train and went to the N/R platform. The train entered mere moments later and there was hardly anyone on it!! There wasn't a single person standing on my car. As the cars passed me as the train entered the station, I noticed the number of passengers on this train was surprisingly small. And yet the doors opened and closed. And opened and closed again. And again. And again.
A word of warning to New Yorkers: leave home early, because the terrorists are winning! The subterranean terrorists (d/b/a the Transit Workers Union) think that inconveniencing their ridership will convince the city to give them what they want.
As much as I hate the thought of walking to work, I hope the strike goes forward and that the striking workers are fined two days' pay for every day they strike (which is what the news said would happen).
Of course, this is very easy for me to say. I received an email (as did our entire office) yesterday from our CAO indicating the firm will reimburse taxi and car service for us to get to and from work in the event of a strike. Not too shabby, huh?
This is hysterical.
Posted by: Twatpuncher | December 15, 2005 at 02:00 PM